Babies, Diapers and Influence

People tell me that I am so smart about work issues, especially the issue of getting out of work. Invariably they ask "the secret." No, not "that" secret. Note the small "s" and fact you did not need to give me your credit card info for this priceless information.

It certainly makes life easier if you have mastered the art of influence, or my definition, the art of getting other people to do your work. I mean, wouldn’t life be easier if you could just get whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted, from whomever you wanted? I used to have that ability . . . anything I wanted from anybody. I could flex those influence muscles even at a young age.

Until they insisted on potty training.

At least I got 16 good years out of that gig. I can remember the day everything changed. "Son, no driver’s license until you learn how to use the potty." They ganged up on me. Even my girlfriend was in on it.

No one understands me, they just don’t get it. I mean, diapers are a lot more efficient. One less thing on your mind, one less thing to schedule, one less thing "to do”.

Showed them . . . the minute I got my license.

" . . . 14, 15, 16 . . . 16 boxes of Depends. Will that be all, Sir?"

You know, babies have it easy. And this can teach us a lot about real life. Babies are the perfect example of managing up (that means "managing your boss" for all you Pottery Design and Maintenance majors). Yes, influencing the boss is the key to your work happinness.


Think about it, when you were a baby, you were helpless to feed yourself, dress yourself, AND you were broke. But somehow - somehow - you ran the show. Like the conductor of the National Symphony Orchestra.


"Waaaah!!"

Everyone comes running, fighting to wipe poop off your body.

"I’ll get him."
"No, I’ll get him . . . you get his milk ready, not too hot, not too cold."

A new wardrobe every 3 months! People lining up to visit you like you were the Pope.


Waaaaah!!
"Put a breast in his mouth!
"He just had a breast is mouth 2 hours ag . . ."
"Put it back in!"

Top that gig.


Now, I’ve done a lot of dumb things in my life, but everything started going downhill when they figured out I could feed myself, and, of course, the aforementioned potty training directive. If I only knew then what I knew now. Lessons learned. I’ve deconstructed and dissected all of this, and ran it by the guys at Harvard Business School (smart bunch of guys). Here is what we came up with: when I was helpless, but doing my best, and trying to learn, everyone did everything for me. But once they figured out I was gaming the system, the gig was up! Hence, the aforementioned withholding of said drivers license until potty trained.